Different emotions recording

People say that I get too emotional at times. They say I am very sensitive. Even the smallest of things can affect Kaneesha.

My emotions often vary from time to time, like any other person. Sometimes I experience the happiest of moments and sometime I feel heavy-hearted. I never feel extremely happy and then extremely sad. That is the reason why I fail to agree completely with Plutchik’s theory that every emotion has an opposite emotion. I believe that there is a scale between all emotions. No one, according to me, can be happy at one moment and then suddenly sad. There are different levels of happiness and sadness.

A few days ago I had my performance. It was the Antwerp Indians Talent Show. I was going to be hosting the show. I realised that it was a highly tensing moment for me, when the authorities asked me to take the floor. I knew that I had rehearsed my speech and was prepared, but somehow felt very numb when I got to the stage’s wings. While coming in front of the audience, I suddenly had my adrenaline pumping. I was nervous. Extremely nervous, probably. I feel that because of this nervousness, I felt my legs were shivering slightly when I was on the stage. This made me think later that if my emotional experience led to a physical change, it means that I agree with Canon-Bard theory of emotions, which states that the physical response occurs due to an emotional move. However, I was put to test. My friends and I were casually mimicking each other. One of them got really upset and slapped me and I was extremely hurt by that action. Normally, we would not do that but that action really had me hurt – anger and sadness. Hence, at that point I felt that I was obviously supporting the James-Lange theory which states that because of a physical reaction you experience an emotional change.  I failed to draw a conclusion to which theory to support. I have experience both the theories and so it cannot be said that one is right and the other is wrong. If there is no surity in emotions, how can there be a surity in the theories of emotion.

I often feel unsure about how I am feeling. Sometimes I am experiencing two or three emotions together. For example, while talking to one of my new friends I feel happy and at the same time have this fear of losing. There is also a sort of insecurity of where our friendship may lead up to, every time I talk with him. It is very difficult at such times to think in one straight direction. I am always fighting between all these emotions. To add the icing on the top, my friends say that the guy likes me and even I like him, but I am unable to realise that fact. This connects back to my previous journal, where I said that people try and make you think of things you have not thought about. I am afraid that I might lose my power of thinking rationally that such an infatuation is not possible and start thinking more emotionally like Damasio suggests.

Other times where I face the same (many emotions) problems is during a family argument. At first, I try and maintain my composure but sometimes I cannot handle the anger and burst out either crying or shouting. Inside me I am cursing myself and am disgusted towards myself for speaking up but at the same time I feel awed that I can actually argue pretty well which I normally fail to do. There is a part of me that says that it is fine and normal to argue for your point to seem correct which I see rationally, but the other emotional side says that you are fighting with your family which is not respectful and disgusting. Sometimes because of this confusion I start crying and get mentally disturbed. I blame it on my teenagehood to cover up; maybe it is that and maybe it is me not knowing what to do in certain situations making me more vulnerable. After all these events, whether it is a fight with friends or family I start having terrible headaches – the physical effect on my emotional state. The headaches are always nightmares because of the pressure build up. I also tend to lose my concentration power and start listening to sad and depressing songs.

I always feel that my emotions decide the kind of music I hear. Or it maybe the other way around at other times. For example, I might listen to a specific song and feel the way the song is. If the song is catchy, can be danced to, I get into that mood of happiness and ecstasy. However, if it is some sad song then I feel that pain and my mood changes to a more calmer and quieter one. Similarly, if I have had a hard day at school and hence a headache, I might take its pressure out in the form of arguments.